23 anecdotes for my 16 year old self

09 Apr, 2026

I turned 23 a couple weeks ago. My brother turned 16 a couple days ago. 23 things I learnt that I wish I could tell myself at 16.

1. You're gay.
2. Your life does not end up looking like you thought it would by any measure. You end up, for the most part, happier than you ever fathomed you could be.
3. There is no award for doing it alone. Only a deafening silence where applause should be.
4. You cannot expect your neighbours to love you when you haven't even asked them their names.
5. Living in a high trust society requires you to be trusting of society. Take that step whenever you can.
6. The best conversations you end up having thus far are with two old, unhoused men. Indulge them for a bit.
7. Most people you will meet are good, and want to do good. Let them, and then pass it on tenfold. This is probably the only way to make the world a kinder place.
8. Most people you will meet are good, some aren't. Learn to defend yourself from them, both physically and mentally.
9. Trust your gut. It will protect you far before you even know you need protection.
10. Take care of your gut. Fruit and yoghurt take you a long way.
11. Set boundaries. The people who will leave you as a result would have left once they got their use out of you anyway.
12. There is a small subset of people who will let you take up as much space as you want, and then some. Take them up on that offer.
13. There is a small subset of people who will let you take up as much space as you want, and then some. Love them more than life itself, and do the exact same and more for them.
14. The four best chemicals you will ever experience are oxytocin, adrenaline, endorphins and cannabis. Cherish that feeling. Never, ever, make a decision under their influence.
15. The day you and your partner stop competing to be the one putting the other first in the relationship, it ends.¹ This applies to all relationships you will have beyond a certain level of proximity.
16. Many things felt like they were the end of your world. Seven years later, I struggle to remember a single one.
17. Be kind. You will go to bed satisfied that there is kindness in the world, because you put it there.²
18. There will be many last goodbyes in your future. Linger in the doorstep for as long as you can.
19. Being curious and giving a shit about what you learn as a result will take you further than any amount of mindless grunt work you do; in your hobbies, your work, and in your relationship. It's a muscle you must exercise, and bask in the endorphins of.
20. The things you leave unsaid are probably the ones that warrant speech the most.
21. Turning 21 is the best thing that has happened to you thus far. It all makes sense if you hang on until then. It also stops making sense when you turn 23. Further notes to follow in the years to come.
22. You live, and then one day you die, and it all stops. Until then, you can either try things, or regret never trying them. The odds of trying are always better than the certainty of regret.
23. Do your best. Give yourself the grace you would give others in a heartbeat. This one is a work in progress, even at 23.

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